


Thoughts

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: fic_promptly, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Implied Selectively Mute Dean Winchester, Letters, POV Dean Winchester, Pre-Canon, Sam has Headaches, Selectively Mute Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12059208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Prompt: Dean, soliloquy





	Thoughts

If he's honest, he understands Sam.

Of course he understands Sam. He has changed the kid's diapers, forced him to go to Kindergarten, signed all his homework and letters from the teacher and permission slips and--

He practices in front of the mirror.

"I get it, Sammy, I do. You've got to go. I know you're suffocating here. I know we can't do this part of life together. I know that."

He practices it in the car.

He thinks it to himself when it's just the two of them.

_Let him know. Let him know you know, Dean._

_Let him know you've always known._

His heart thuds in his chest, like he can see the end, like he knows this is a thing he can't-- he'll never-- protect Sam from.

This is the start of something.

This is when the kid with the killer headaches makes something of himself, gets out there in the world.

Not the hunter's world. The other world. The world of civvies.

He knows all this. He knows it's coming.

All he has to do is tell Sammy. Tell Sammy he knows.

"Sammy--"

"What, Dean," Sam says, exasperated. 

Dean can hear that it's tiredness, tiredness from sneaking to do his homework after dark and maintain the GPA that's never slipped.

 _Do you want a nap?_ he thinks wildly, _You need a nap_ , and he won't say any of that out loud, like Sam is just a kid, like he doesn't know exactly what Sam is doing.

*~*~*

In front of the mirror again. "You're going to leave me, Sammy, and it's okay. I'm not mad."

*~*~*

None of that is how it comes out. It all comes out in a roar, Dad's voice at fever pitch, _stay gone_ and he wants to say everything he's said in front of the mirror, to himself, to anyone but Sam.

His throat's closed up, he can't say it now, he can't say he's happy. Everything hurts, every single last bit of it and this is the end when Dad's made a decision for them all, and Sam's made a decision for himself.

But this is the note Dean slips into Sam's bag, exaggerating his handwriting so Sam will always know who it's from. The way they'd passed notes in the car, or when Dean wasn't talking.

"I understand," it says. "I'm proud of you."


End file.
